Can You “Fix” Your Husband? Part I
I don’t know of any men who want to be “fixed” by their women. And yet, fixing a man, molding him into something different than what he is, is what women feel compelled to do. If you married your guy with that in mind, and you’re disappointed that he hasn’t turned out the way you planned, then…think about it. You don’t want him fixing you, do you?
It’s true that all of us affect each other even when we don’t mean to – but when you go out of your way to change someone, you are going to be disenchanted. There are too many things to take into account: temperament, background, core values. Only God can understand another person inside and out. You are not God. If you’ve been trying to play that part, it’s time to back off.
When it comes to behavior that is affecting others around him, though, that’s a different thing. If your guy has, for example, disgusting manners, treats you with no regard, doesn’t meet your emotional needs, takes unfair advantage of you, or is abusive verbally or physically – a change is needed Those are learned behaviors that can be unlearned. We’ve dealt with that a lot in our books written just for your husband – Keep Love Exciting & Lasting and Forever My Love. We also have 180 Days to Romance for him. Get all of those into his possession. If he isn’t a reader, read some paragraphs to him.
Many “useless” men have found their niche and a voice when their women are determined to do the right thing in the right way.
Tony, a blue collar worker who said little, came across as unable to do much of anything to his quick witted wife, Sara. “He’s impossible,” she told her parents. “He can’t make a decision. He doesn’t do anything unless I tell him to and show him how to do it, or do it for him. He seems to be intelligent enough – but when it comes to handling life, he’s stupid. I don’t know how much more I can take of this.” She quit trying to save her marriage of 15 years, and filed for divorce.
When Tony came to me he was a broken hearted man because he loved and adored Sara. Besides that, he was deeply worried about the children, as he should be, and the bills that were ever overwhelmingly ever present. I spent several “sessions” letting him just talk.
“If I were more intelligent man, I wouldn’t have lost her,” he said.
We then explored his dreams and hopes – those he had before he married. He read our material, and made a discovery. It was that Sara was a very controlling personality. He didn’t like making waves and causing her to get angry, so he had never stood up to her. He hadn’t taken his rightful position in the family as the strong man he should be. As a result she lost respect for him and completely took over, berating him continually in the relationship.
Tony needed to find Tony. He began to take online college courses that spoke to one of his dreams and soon realized that he wasn’t as “dumb” as he thought. He just couldn’t verbalize his thoughts as quickly as Sara thought he should.
Concurrently, Sarah explored life with other men, but discovered that most of those to whom she was attracted weren’t all that smart, either. What she hadn’t counted on was that opposing temperaments attract, so the men who intrigued her were like Tony. Discouraged, she decided, “No more men.”
Since she and Tony were still living in the same house (the divorce wasn’t final, yet) but keeping out of each other’s way, she noticed his “extra-curricular” activities and, curious, looked into them. She was astonished to discover that he was in college and doing very well. She also noticed that he had downloaded our material on marriage.
She sat him down, stating that they were going to talk. She was surprised when he didn’t “acquiesce” to her, but he did agree to set a time when he was available and then they could talk. During their discussion, he confessed to his shortcomings in the marriage. Impressed, she agreed to download our material for women. She did and read it – more than once.
It was time to talk again; but she asked him, instead of telling him. They both agreed to give the marriage another try. Their marriage was saved. Tony and Sara have learned to balance their relationship; He has a college degree, has moved into a management position and Sara is in love with him again.
Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarter.com
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