Warning – Warning – Caution To Strong Women – And Their Men
Hollywood is good at capturing the essence of the strong woman who can rule the world, entice men, make her husband happy he is a man because of her and live happily ever after. Sorry, but that’s not the way it works – at least, not usually. The woman who rules, controls and outdoes her husband very often leaves him in the turbulence of her wake, to flounder and wonder how and why he got there…
At a gathering recently, a woman approached me and, in a whisper so she wouldn’t be overheard by others, confided, “I’m single. I divorced my husband 12 years ago and I really regret it.” There was pain in her eyes. I asked a few questions. She had been very successful in the corporate world, traveling a lot for her company. For years, her husband remained at home and raised the children, mostly without her help. The divorce gave him custody of the kids who now are, essentially, strangers to her.
She obtained what she wanted and, as a result, lost what she wanted. Not all of her choices were smart ones. They caused a lot of suffering to her loved ones – and to her. Her regrets are real. It’s not possible to reverse 23 years of success that resulted in so much strife at home and walk away unscathed.
I addressed this issue more extensively in my latest books than in my earlier ones because it has become a major problem in many marriages. It’s a conundrum, really. Strong women who are leaders attract, and are attracted to, men who are not natural leaders, ordinarily. These men may be successful in their own right, but very often the women they choose make more money and successfully handle bigger slices of life than they do. That’s all right if the men are self assured, comfortable in their own skin and the ladies don’t squash and run over them. But too often that’s not the case.
So in what arena do both of them make mistakes, frequently dealing a fatal blow to a relationship? Although that can’t be answered in one article, I can give you a couple of thoughts that you may be able to apply to your situation. You will find more extensive help on our website under our material for men and our material for women.
Men: Keep in mind that even overbearing women want their husbands to be strong, too. I’m not talking about physical strength. I know one man who can lift the back of a car up to his shoulders – but he let his wife walk all over him, dictate to him and didn’t do his part to keep her respect. Upon occasion he would become so frustrated that he’d blow up and blast her with unkind and filthy words. That added to her disrespect for him. In time, she walked out, devastating him even further.
Women: Instead of concentrating on your guy’s weaknesses and hounding him about them, dwell on his unique strengths and abilities. If they aren’t evident, find them; and you will, by using kind words, compliments and encouragement. Make that a daily habit and see him develop into a man you always can admire. No guy can become excellent at anything he does, or maintain excellence, if he is constantly criticized (in word or body language) and it is pointed out to him that he isn’t as good at anything as you are. If that’s what he believes, assure him that, yes, in some areas you are better, but in some areas he’s better. That way, instead of giving up in discouragement, he will try harder.
Both of you remember that, if you left the relationship, you still would be attracted to the same type of person. That’s just the way it is. If you, as a man, haven’t learned how to stand up for your rights from day one, and take your God assigned position in the home, and if you, as a woman, haven’t learned to cool it and quit trying to control your husband and put him down, you both very likely would take the same weaknesses into the next relationship, as well.
Kind of silly, don’t you think? How much better to admit that you have some weaknesses yourself and determine to conquer them so that you continue to love each other. Your present marriage will be successful and your children will be blessed.
Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker www.savingmarriagesworldwide.com
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